the sound of people chewing
make my skin crawl
the swish of saliva
the absent-minding crunching
awakens some primal
reservoir of fury
sending impulses to the
reflexes of
my fists
squeezing tightly
shut
perhaps i was swallowed
in my last life
and the sound of
chewing was the last
thing i heard before
being eroded away
in a sea of acid
and other delicacies
that would explain
why affections often
taste like ravenous wolves
and love feels like
farmer's-wife fingers
around my chicken
throat
I suppose
when your blood cells were
born out of gasping
and swallowing
it should come as
no wonder that the
sound of teeth
makes you into
fists and clenched
jaws
12/25/17
Monday, December 25, 2017
Thank you - for Rupi and Rudy
sometimes
i wish i could
apologize to the
poets i love
for using their
pain like a park bench
a place for me
to rest
and cry
and heal
as if it didn't
cost you
to make a
home out of your
suffering
but
instead of sorry
i will fill my tongue
with thank you's
that i pray you will
hear from across
the country
your tears have an echo
and it sounds like
rain
quenching
the desert
12/25/17
i wish i could
apologize to the
poets i love
for using their
pain like a park bench
a place for me
to rest
and cry
and heal
as if it didn't
cost you
to make a
home out of your
suffering
but
instead of sorry
i will fill my tongue
with thank you's
that i pray you will
hear from across
the country
your tears have an echo
and it sounds like
rain
quenching
the desert
12/25/17
my hunger for the Baals
and what they offer
has turned me into
an all-consuming fire
and they cannot quench me
yet all I long to be
is a river
that is cool and clear
and carries pain away
to the ocean of
Yahweh's love
the love that says
"I will have mercy
on the one who is named
No Mercy
and I will say to Not My People
'You are my people' "
12/21/17
and what they offer
has turned me into
an all-consuming fire
and they cannot quench me
yet all I long to be
is a river
that is cool and clear
and carries pain away
to the ocean of
Yahweh's love
the love that says
"I will have mercy
on the one who is named
No Mercy
and I will say to Not My People
'You are my people' "
12/21/17
catechism
*recite aloud*
i am resilient
i am loved
i am whole
i am adored
i am not alone
i am not evil
i am not worthless
i am not unloveable
i can heal
i can grow
i can bring life
i am important
*repeat until you believe it*
12/17/17
Tuesday, December 19, 2017
on being the one who leaves
I'm looking down the barrel
of the ways that I've broken you
and I feel myself splintering
under the pain and the pressure
12/18/17
of the ways that I've broken you
and I feel myself splintering
under the pain and the pressure
12/18/17
i didn't realize how i loved you
until i let myself begin to miss you
you were safe enough to
let you love me back
you gave me
your heart, unafraid
every part of me
aches for every
beautiful part of you
My papi, my darling
No, you're not mine
but i still love you
i'd love to lasso
your heart back to me
forget what makes sense!
who cares if my point
were valid
i want to believe
you can love me well
it's costing me more than
i can bear to admit
to keep choosing
myself
to keep remembering
why i walked away
i wish it wasn't over
oh, how i wish it wasn't over
12/16/17
until i let myself begin to miss you
you were safe enough to
let you love me back
you gave me
your heart, unafraid
every part of me
aches for every
beautiful part of you
My papi, my darling
No, you're not mine
but i still love you
i'd love to lasso
your heart back to me
forget what makes sense!
who cares if my point
were valid
i want to believe
you can love me well
it's costing me more than
i can bear to admit
to keep choosing
myself
to keep remembering
why i walked away
i wish it wasn't over
oh, how i wish it wasn't over
12/16/17
Thursday, December 14, 2017
Do you ever have days
where the only thing that
keeps you from killing yourself
are the thoughts of your baby sister
the thought of the horror and pain
adorning her face
the unquenchable hurt in her tears
the realization that as fucked up
as you are, imagine the
scars your self-violence would
leave her with
you have to weigh the cost
enduring your own suffering
so as not to inflict immense
suffering on your loved ones
it doesn't feel selfish in
the moment, wanting to die
you think only of release,
of quiet,
of freedom,
freedom from gut-wrenching
hatred that has made a
home out of you
a hatred that you cannot evict,
you cannot kill
of if you can, you don't
know how or have enough strength
days like that, days like today,
are the hardest to endure
the most dangerous to wake up to
because sometimes
you don't know if you'll
get to the end
sometimes
you don't know if
the anguish will kill you
even before you can
as you watch yourself stumble
blindly through the emotions
oh, how the hatred heaps upon itself
as you think about how lucky you are
about all the good things you have
that you don't deserve anyway
you have a good life
you have an easy life
you have no right to feel this way
these thoughts pushing you
closer and closer to taking a step
a fatal one
a lethal one
have you ever had the thought
"maybe i can find a way to
make it look like an accident..."
if you have never had
that thought, so full of evil,
if you have never felt this way
i am glad for you
i hope you live your
whole life without feeling
like there is a darkness
eating you from the
inside out
12/13/17
where the only thing that
keeps you from killing yourself
are the thoughts of your baby sister
the thought of the horror and pain
adorning her face
the unquenchable hurt in her tears
the realization that as fucked up
as you are, imagine the
scars your self-violence would
leave her with
you have to weigh the cost
enduring your own suffering
so as not to inflict immense
suffering on your loved ones
it doesn't feel selfish in
the moment, wanting to die
you think only of release,
of quiet,
of freedom,
freedom from gut-wrenching
hatred that has made a
home out of you
a hatred that you cannot evict,
you cannot kill
of if you can, you don't
know how or have enough strength
days like that, days like today,
are the hardest to endure
the most dangerous to wake up to
because sometimes
you don't know if you'll
get to the end
sometimes
you don't know if
the anguish will kill you
even before you can
as you watch yourself stumble
blindly through the emotions
oh, how the hatred heaps upon itself
as you think about how lucky you are
about all the good things you have
that you don't deserve anyway
you have a good life
you have an easy life
you have no right to feel this way
these thoughts pushing you
closer and closer to taking a step
a fatal one
a lethal one
have you ever had the thought
"maybe i can find a way to
make it look like an accident..."
if you have never had
that thought, so full of evil,
if you have never felt this way
i am glad for you
i hope you live your
whole life without feeling
like there is a darkness
eating you from the
inside out
12/13/17
Thursday, December 7, 2017
i won't say thank you
when i told him i was on my
period he fed me a tired line
about how "he could never
be disgusted by something
so natural..."
we had sex that night
and i felt so cared-for,
so amazed at this man
for not hating me for
finding me desirable
in spite of the things
that make me what i am
woman
animal
mother
& blood...
as it the wordless histories
of my ancestors spilled upon
bodies & beds & floors & fields
didn't plant the seeds of the
most ancient trees and most
powerful men
oh how i wish i could go back
a few short years and teach that
more afraid version of myself
that even though i was breaking apart
& drifting down the river of my own pain
that i did not have to
nor should i
accept trite & disingenuous offerings
from men who believed themselves
to be kind and worthy of my body
& time
who believed that saw the real me
who believed they could tame my wild spirit
but since i cannot go back and tell her
i shall tell you, my reader, the truth
do not thank man for not being
disgusted by you
for never making your feel small or unsafe
if their eyes are full of questions
and anticipation of your wonder
pick up your purse, your clothes,
your vulnerability and
walk out the door
for if a man feels you should
expect so little of him
imagine how little he
expects from himself
12.2.17
period he fed me a tired line
about how "he could never
be disgusted by something
so natural..."
we had sex that night
and i felt so cared-for,
so amazed at this man
for not hating me for
finding me desirable
in spite of the things
that make me what i am
woman
animal
mother
& blood...
as it the wordless histories
of my ancestors spilled upon
bodies & beds & floors & fields
didn't plant the seeds of the
most ancient trees and most
powerful men
oh how i wish i could go back
a few short years and teach that
more afraid version of myself
that even though i was breaking apart
& drifting down the river of my own pain
that i did not have to
nor should i
accept trite & disingenuous offerings
from men who believed themselves
to be kind and worthy of my body
& time
who believed that saw the real me
who believed they could tame my wild spirit
but since i cannot go back and tell her
i shall tell you, my reader, the truth
do not thank man for not being
disgusted by you
for never making your feel small or unsafe
if their eyes are full of questions
and anticipation of your wonder
pick up your purse, your clothes,
your vulnerability and
walk out the door
for if a man feels you should
expect so little of him
imagine how little he
expects from himself
12.2.17
THESE UNITED STATES
Let me begin by saying
That God
Does not give
A shit
About these
United states of America
A country that would ask its
Citizens to unite under the banner
Of ubiquity.. Sameness..
Under a flag with stars whose
Points no longer point to
Freedom but to greed
Keep what belongs to us
Screw everyone else
Which would maybe make sense
If any of the things that
“Belonged to us”
Actually belonged to us
But in a nation where the
Crux of the culture
Is a dream that
Asks no questions of its
Means to an end
I have to ask
What are we fighting for?
Surely we can understand
One another
Surely we can have diplomacy
Dialogue, discourse
I’m done talking
While the serpent’s tongue still flicks
Swiftly into the air to taste the
Tension and the rage
The hatred and unrest
The fear that found a home
In our soil centuries ago that
Has grown nearly unchecked
And allows rights for a few like...
Checking bags at the
Airport for a “random” strip search
Checking the visa at customs
Shaking heads and “send them
Back where they came from”
Pulling over a car for that
Broken tail light
For the broken promises
Like “All men are created
EQUAL”
Who am I, you ask, to dare speak
Ill of the nation that gave me breath
Well let me tell you,
Until the breath of every man, woman,
And child is what we promise to protect
Then I will never claim this place as
My home, as the place where I belong
If a father abuses his children
He may be the man who gave them
Life
But he has no right to be angry
If they walk away from his
Name
America has been breaking backs and bones and hearts for so long
How many more of our leaders
Must sponsor suffering before
They are torn to the ground?
Anger is a volatile fuel,
But I am tired of adding names
To the list
Of those murdered by our protectors
Of those betrayed by our systems
Of those sent back to their deaths
By arbitrary borders
And heinous prejudices
We should be tired
We should be angry
The greatest mistake this nation
Could make
Is to believe that we are done
Fighting
And that any God worth worshipping
Would allow her name
To be invoked in the name
Of your ignorance
Stay vigilant
Cuz we are coming for you
Then you will have real reason
To be afraid
12.5.17
bastante
more than enough
nearly superfluous
there is plenty of me
to go around
so how can i feel
like someday i will
run out of me
as if i will stop
learning to feed
the ones that
i love
11.9.17
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
Lineage
Down
Down
Down to the town where she grew
The mother of my mother's
mother's mother
She grew green like the soft
And dangerous peaks of the
Appalachians
With an accent as sweet as blackberry juice
And as thick as the coal-dust that never left
Her father's skin
You can still hear her whisper
In that West Virginia valley
She calls to me with a song
Of longing and sadness
She is a siren whose song
Is tuned to my heart strings
I would drown myself in the
Lostness and hunger of the
Mountains
Just to hear her story
Her voice for the first time
4.24.17
de lujo
Luxury is
A full tank of gas
Bills paid on time
Baths with candles and oils
Beautiful lingerie
Rest
Counseling
Trying new things for the hell of it
Working phone
10/15/17
Monday, October 23, 2017
slight of hand
loving you made me forget how to play the game. my hands practiced at card tricks and illusions of affection, grown clumsy with disuse. with no more need to hide. or perhaps i let myself forget because i no longer wished to play games & make a living on con-artist's gold-painted love & glass-diamond promises. you stole me from the casino & took me to a home. you undressed my sequins & feathers and clothed me with tender embraces. & i know i should thank you. you taught me that softness is enough on its own. that there's no need to douse myself in sugar-water, no need to build myself armor out of rock candy or a castle out of sugar cubes. that who i am is worth loving & savoring my salt and earth fills you. i should thank you. but i hate the way my raw veins look under the sunlight. i hate the way my skin feels without its spines. my audience no longer finds my slights of hand convincing. because when i pull the queen of hearts from my sleeve, she always has a note written on her back in your handwriting. "you are my queen. my heart is yours." then they see that i'm an imposter. how could someone who's been loved like that really believe in illusions, since i have lived in a world where real magic exists. i didn't believe in magic before the way your smile made parts of me melt that i never knew existed. i didn't believe in magic until you thwarted all of my attempts to disappear. you found all the trap doors in the house & nailed them shut. you held me in your arms and said, "if you're going to leave, my love, it must be through the front door." i didn't believe in magic until your hands were gentle & you taught me that scars can be nothing more than rivers, arrows, dotted lines pointing me towards healing. you promised me that the only sugar you needed was the shape of my lips as i said "i love you." & the sound of my voice saying "there's nowhere else in the world i'd rather be."
i wonder what you need now that i'm gone. are lesser women offering you artificial sugar. do you sigh with sadness when you see decks of cards? reminding you how you built me, but i was just a house of cards. how i crumpled. how your magic wasn't enough to keep me, to hold me together. how my salt & earth are now tears in the dirt. do you have pity on people who are still convinced by slights of hand because you realize that the whole trick is that it was never in your hands in the first place. how my hands are no longer in the right place. in yours. living without your smile is eroding places inside of me i had forgotten existed. even without you here i can't unhinge my rusted heart to swing back into the circus of colorful insincerities & sugar-water rain showers. because of you, i'm more. i'm less sweet & perhaps more honest. i don't miss the game or my top-hat full of tips & skipping-rabbit heartbeats. i have no regrets. you rescued me & i like to believe i fed you for a while. never forget what kind of love you deserve. remember ... if she doesn't make you forget you don't have wings then it's probably just gold paint & glass diamonds. and tell her that you are waiting around for real magic, because now that you've tasted it... you'll settle for nothing less.
i wonder what you need now that i'm gone. are lesser women offering you artificial sugar. do you sigh with sadness when you see decks of cards? reminding you how you built me, but i was just a house of cards. how i crumpled. how your magic wasn't enough to keep me, to hold me together. how my salt & earth are now tears in the dirt. do you have pity on people who are still convinced by slights of hand because you realize that the whole trick is that it was never in your hands in the first place. how my hands are no longer in the right place. in yours. living without your smile is eroding places inside of me i had forgotten existed. even without you here i can't unhinge my rusted heart to swing back into the circus of colorful insincerities & sugar-water rain showers. because of you, i'm more. i'm less sweet & perhaps more honest. i don't miss the game or my top-hat full of tips & skipping-rabbit heartbeats. i have no regrets. you rescued me & i like to believe i fed you for a while. never forget what kind of love you deserve. remember ... if she doesn't make you forget you don't have wings then it's probably just gold paint & glass diamonds. and tell her that you are waiting around for real magic, because now that you've tasted it... you'll settle for nothing less.
10/12/17
addiction
follow the eyes
of the addict
where does she go
when her prescription
runs out
she laughs at the
hypocrisy of
the quitters who
could only ever
prove that they
loved themselves more
than the addiction
they used to swear
made them whole
10/12/17
of the addict
where does she go
when her prescription
runs out
she laughs at the
hypocrisy of
the quitters who
could only ever
prove that they
loved themselves more
than the addiction
they used to swear
made them whole
10/12/17
a warning
watch closely
watch out for the woman
with ancient-clay breath
& a spiderweb tongue
for she is always hungry
& too beautiful for you
to resist
10/10/17
I have grown over time to love my story
tapestries of fingerprints resting
on my skin and my bones
the ancient clay of my breath
and my song ask questions
full of longing:
if i didn't known my power
would the people around me be safe?
if i could forget my wonder and light,
would i become a more satisfactory morsel?
did i choose to be this vast or did the sky
just need someone to match her?
i may never know
10/10/17
tapestries of fingerprints resting
on my skin and my bones
the ancient clay of my breath
and my song ask questions
full of longing:
if i didn't known my power
would the people around me be safe?
if i could forget my wonder and light,
would i become a more satisfactory morsel?
did i choose to be this vast or did the sky
just need someone to match her?
i may never know
10/10/17
spiderweb
how does a woman become a spider web?
when men grow an appetite for different parts of her.
when the hunger in their eyes masquerades as wonder.
as if she can't smell the starvation on their breath.
she becomes a spiderweb because
she no longer knows if she is
the poison or the cure.
heaven or hell.
love or torture.
because she can no longer afford
to be both.
10/10/17
gravity
funny
how the hungriest things
are the hardest to swallow
like they hold the secrets
to gravity, to becoming
a black hole
hunger has made me
collapse in on myself
over & over
having enough love
to build a whole universe
and enough appetite
to devour one
10/10/17
Friday, October 20, 2017
ascent
the ascent into heaven begins so slowly
with a breath, a cry, eyes opening
years grow feathers then wings
and life begins to soar
the most challenging leap of all
is when wings must carry soul
from body to the clouds
then to the stars
then to the arms
of God
waiting to hold
us in her arms
as if all her being
had only ever ached for us
10.13.17
Wednesday, October 18, 2017
Clay
They couldn't have known I was made of clay
they couldn't have known that
pressing in to our sin
would leave fingerprints & blemishes
places where I would become
structurally
unsound
10.10.17
X.VI
it breaks my heart
that I can tell the
difference
between when
a man's eyes
are full of
wonder or
just hunger
-they think I
don't smell the
starvation on their
breath
10.6.17
that I can tell the
difference
between when
a man's eyes
are full of
wonder or
just hunger
-they think I
don't smell the
starvation on their
breath
10.6.17
Anointing
i square
my jaw
& plant
my feet
firmly
like thirsty
roots
and stare
her down
here she is
in all her
glory
naked
vulnerable
soft
breaking
my reflection
"listen, beloved
let me heal
you with
dripping honey
and truth-filled
lips
10.6.17
my jaw
& plant
my feet
firmly
like thirsty
roots
and stare
her down
here she is
in all her
glory
naked
vulnerable
soft
breaking
my reflection
"listen, beloved
let me heal
you with
dripping honey
and truth-filled
lips
10.6.17
goodbyes
when the people i love
have to go
i recoil
like a snake
not wishing to be
touched
i always feel guilty for
the reflexes that
bring out my
slow-burn
poison
it's as if
my body & heart
have forgotten
that hurting you
as you walk out the door
won't stem the pain
that floods my
toy-box heart
when you close it
behind you
10/6/17
have to go
i recoil
like a snake
not wishing to be
touched
i always feel guilty for
the reflexes that
bring out my
slow-burn
poison
it's as if
my body & heart
have forgotten
that hurting you
as you walk out the door
won't stem the pain
that floods my
toy-box heart
when you close it
behind you
10/6/17
petals and mirrors
come
let's darken our eyes
and become our own
mirrors
a darkness of
loving & endless
beauty
then perhaps
the doors in our chest
will open
and the light
will fill our eyes
like a delicate
wine glass
and the sunflower
will tell us her secret
that she only glows
because
of the
darkness
inside of her
10/6/17
let's darken our eyes
and become our own
mirrors
a darkness of
loving & endless
beauty
then perhaps
the doors in our chest
will open
and the light
will fill our eyes
like a delicate
wine glass
and the sunflower
will tell us her secret
that she only glows
because
of the
darkness
inside of her
10/6/17
I AM NOT JESUS
melt my bones
& make me a balm
to soothe the cries
of the rejected ones
break me into
stones to defend
those with aching
feet & bruised
spirits
10/3/17
& make me a balm
to soothe the cries
of the rejected ones
break me into
stones to defend
those with aching
feet & bruised
spirits
10/3/17
sometimes
sometimes
i want to die
so much that
can't be mended
that needs to be
mended
the brokenness
spreads like a
disease
spreads like
wings
as sadness
sits atop
my hips
like a
sleepy child
sometimes
too much feels
like just enough
to push lungs
underwater
drowning
fills our
mouths with salt
and empties
them of breath
and truth
sometimes
i bargain
with god
and give
up on
the world
cuz "there's
not enough
light"
I scream
10/3/17
Run, Hide
it'll hurt
i can't let it
get to me
my sadness
is catching up
but i'm tired of
running
there is no
hiding place
where I fit
comfortably
when my
tears run
out of water
what else
is there left
to do but
lie down
& let the
pain wash
over me
10/3/17
i can't let it
get to me
my sadness
is catching up
but i'm tired of
running
there is no
hiding place
where I fit
comfortably
when my
tears run
out of water
what else
is there left
to do but
lie down
& let the
pain wash
over me
10/3/17
NOISE
take a look
take a seat
lake a listen
the voices are
here
inside my
head and
i'm tired
of the
laughing
"you are alone.
your burdens
are too heavy
to share.
you're too
broken to love
again."
9/29/17
hello, my name is susanna, and i am an addict
I can't quit you
as if i must detox
from every loving look
and breathless kiss
i'm an unrepentant addict
who doesn't want to
quit
living in withdrawals
hanging tightly to
the taste of your
memory
9/29/17
Fall...ing
funny
leaves give their
best show
for goodbye
funny
they call love
falling
on impact
we often crunch
like dead leaves
and breaking twigs
funny
saying goodbye
is so much deeper
so much more
painful
because
you're beautiful
funny
i cry more
because I know
you'll be back
in the spring
and
i'll still
miss you
and miss the thrill of
falling
9/29/17
Thirsty
when you live beside
a stream that is cool
& clear you forget
what being thirsty
feels like
how can something
ache & burn & exist
so full of longing?
it is an animal
that lives deep
inside of me
something that never sleeps
something that never sleeps
9/27/17
a stream that is cool
& clear you forget
what being thirsty
feels like
how can something
ache & burn & exist
so full of longing?
it is an animal
that lives deep
inside of me
something that never sleeps
something that never sleeps
9/27/17
Sunday, September 24, 2017
he is...
making hot chocolate
easy smiles
dancing in the car
belching contests
trap music
love
bachata
summer heat
"you're the baddest girl in the room...
always"
kissing in the rain
too many visible hickies
kindness
"bite harder"
back massages
watching old musicals
quick wit
goofiness
people being surprised by how hot he is
incessant teasing
holding me
laughter... so much laughter
there be dragons here
"aight bet"
the way he looks at me
the way he looked at me...
9/24/17
easy smiles
dancing in the car
belching contests
trap music
love
bachata
summer heat
"you're the baddest girl in the room...
always"
kissing in the rain
too many visible hickies
kindness
"bite harder"
back massages
watching old musicals
quick wit
goofiness
people being surprised by how hot he is
incessant teasing
holding me
laughter... so much laughter
there be dragons here
"aight bet"
the way he looks at me
the way he looked at me...
9/24/17
limestone & salt
there was always a lantern there
inside my chest
but its switch was always
guarded by limestone ribs
& heartache stalactites
I don't know where he
learned the secret spell
that turns heartache
into dust
but he taught me
that the salt of my past
tears was there
to dance on the wind
of our love
I painted his strong, dark
arms with chalk & water
and my lantern-chest
lit our path and
taught us to read
the poems in
each other's eyes
9/24/17
inside my chest
but its switch was always
guarded by limestone ribs
& heartache stalactites
I don't know where he
learned the secret spell
that turns heartache
into dust
but he taught me
that the salt of my past
tears was there
to dance on the wind
of our love
I painted his strong, dark
arms with chalk & water
and my lantern-chest
lit our path and
taught us to read
the poems in
each other's eyes
9/24/17
hot stone
the hot stone in my belly
says goodbye to him
before I am ready
to unclench my fingers
from his broad, gentle hands
the end comes
right on time
but with storms that
were not in the forecast
and I learn that
there is never a good
time to let go
and that love
is both
kissing in the rain
and crying in the shower
about how loving him
doesn't always mean staying
9/24/17
says goodbye to him
before I am ready
to unclench my fingers
from his broad, gentle hands
the end comes
right on time
but with storms that
were not in the forecast
and I learn that
there is never a good
time to let go
and that love
is both
kissing in the rain
and crying in the shower
about how loving him
doesn't always mean staying
9/24/17
healing mornings
She picks herself up from
repose like
a petal from a sunflower
and, yawning like rain,
she greets the morning
9/24/17
repose like
a petal from a sunflower
and, yawning like rain,
she greets the morning
9/24/17
Untitled 3
You don't mean to give people
a place in your heart
that has roots & sinew
But the beautiful, soft,
& powerful ones make
you open up more intimate
homes
inside of you
9/19/17
"Hell hath no fury"
I dedicate this poem
to the guy who tried to
get my boyfriend to
cheat on me
The petty crown is yours!
You can have it
This high road is getting
real steep
I don't have to kick your ass
to prove that I can
But you seem to want me to
Do you get off on getting reactions?
Is making people angry
the only way
you feel powerful?
I wanted to like you,
but you're such an
arrogant, uninteresting, petty,
selfish, lazy ignorant
piece of shit
So any energy I could spend trying
to impress you or
defending myself
would be like
pouring fuel
on a dumpster fire
I've done enough
goddamn babysitting to know
better than to "justify schoolyard
taunts with a response"*
And since you're a child
I will quell my fury
with a bucket-full
of laughter
Your life must be
so boring and pathetic
for you to have the
time to sabotage
your relationship
and your homie's
Wanna know why that
girl didn't
give up pussy once
you dumped your girlfriend for her?
'Cuz she never planned to!
She could tell
you were a weak-ass bitch
from a mile away
and she just wanted
to prove that
she could get you
to do anything
I honestly feel sorry for you
You called the man I love
a bitch for getting
with me
You assumed it was
just cuz I was
white or thick
or whatever else,
but you will never know
what it feels like to
be loved by
a woman like me
I am fierce and powerful
beautiful, sexy
intelligent, goofy
kind, and fun
I can put it down
like you wouldn't believe
I can hold a man down
and also teach him
how to fly
so enjoy living
your life with
your feet on the
ground and
your head up
your own ass
fuck you!
and if I never
hear your name or
voice again it'll be
too soon
9/15/17
monument to you
you did not make
you this way.
exquisite.
broken
but you are
the only one
who can build
on that breath-
taking foundation
so build.
what a monument
you will
become.
9/13/17
Sunshine & empanadas
the definition of charming
a warmth that I miss
as if it had once been mine
9/9/17
Dedicated to: latin culture & besitos
a warmth that I miss
as if it had once been mine
9/9/17
Dedicated to: latin culture & besitos
Ode to another love
I loved you
then just let go
found myself unprepared
for the in-between
caught between
memories of forgetting
- one boulder -
and your new life & joy
-a heavy weight -
9/12/17
then just let go
found myself unprepared
for the in-between
caught between
memories of forgetting
- one boulder -
and your new life & joy
-a heavy weight -
9/12/17
old habits die hard
when I finally see your
back I offer my body
turning myself into
a wall of pleasure
9/10/17
back I offer my body
turning myself into
a wall of pleasure
9/10/17
Blood from a turnip
we are adults nowso proud of what
we can do
so much
then comes the avalanche
of empathy for
the superhuman
who raised us
I was never good at juggling,
but goddamnit
I can't afford to fail!
since most "grown-ups"
expect failure or the
kind of success that
measures our skirts
with a ruler
there is not a good
English word for
supercalifragilistic-
motherfucking exhausted
that'll do for now
blood from a turnip
brings to my mind
a white-knuckled fist,
still squeezing
and squeezing
and squeezing
still squeezing
I
don't
have
anything
left
too
tired
to
figure
out
how
to
stop
being
tired...
Thank god for southern idioms
9/9/17
"Them's fightin' words"
I threaten you in Southern vernacular
but I will fight for those whose
mother tongue may be different
9/6/17
but I will fight for those whose
mother tongue may be different
9/6/17
She says, walk with grace
She says -
walk with grace
love with humility
pray with confidence
I say -
show me your footsteps
since I was born from your eyes
and I'm still learning how to pray
She says -
I donated my twinkling eyes
and my sweet disposition to you
my darling girl, I'll teach you how to pray
I say -
there's not enough time
for me to learn the language
of your heart, worthiest of women
She says -
my love is your first and
only language, baby girl
I'm only ever proud of the woman you've become
I say -
carry me far and teach me to fly
the stitches that hold my strength together
were made by women whose hands built my world
She says -
flying begins with a step
and loving begins with a question
so never stop asking, and you'll always soar
I say -
when you go, I shall miss you
She says -
where can I go that you won't be able to follow?
I say -
take my kisses with you
so that I may miss you when I feel their absence
She says -
remember that I carry your kisses in my heart
but I live in the twinkle of your eye
I say -
then I must learn to never blink
She says -
you were born with open eyes
I say -
I love you
I do not deserve you
She says -
I love you, my little blade of grass
don't ever forget to
walk with grace
love with humility
and pray with confidence
9/4/17
walk with grace
love with humility
pray with confidence
I say -
show me your footsteps
since I was born from your eyes
and I'm still learning how to pray
She says -
I donated my twinkling eyes
and my sweet disposition to you
my darling girl, I'll teach you how to pray
I say -
there's not enough time
for me to learn the language
of your heart, worthiest of women
She says -
my love is your first and
only language, baby girl
I'm only ever proud of the woman you've become
I say -
carry me far and teach me to fly
the stitches that hold my strength together
were made by women whose hands built my world
She says -
flying begins with a step
and loving begins with a question
so never stop asking, and you'll always soar
I say -
when you go, I shall miss you
She says -
where can I go that you won't be able to follow?
I say -
take my kisses with you
so that I may miss you when I feel their absence
She says -
remember that I carry your kisses in my heart
but I live in the twinkle of your eye
I say -
then I must learn to never blink
She says -
you were born with open eyes
I say -
I love you
I do not deserve you
She says -
I love you, my little blade of grass
don't ever forget to
walk with grace
love with humility
and pray with confidence
9/4/17
collectables
I'm a collector of wounds
a most dedicated hobbyist.
My check is a glass-case
shrine to suffering.
I shine the widest light
on the deepest gashes,
the ones I'm proudest of.
I stick out my chest in
confidence, as my breaths
rattle and shake my
crystalline
ribcage.
3/14/16
a most dedicated hobbyist.
My check is a glass-case
shrine to suffering.
I shine the widest light
on the deepest gashes,
the ones I'm proudest of.
I stick out my chest in
confidence, as my breaths
rattle and shake my
crystalline
ribcage.
3/14/16
F+
I failed
but there's an upside
to this upside-down place
when I face my grimacing instructors
with clicking tongues and
wagging fingers
I know it's not myself I've failed
but the box
I cannot, will not fit
into its pinching corners
and inflexible walls
fall down when
failures join forces
2/28/16
but there's an upside
to this upside-down place
when I face my grimacing instructors
with clicking tongues and
wagging fingers
I know it's not myself I've failed
but the box
I cannot, will not fit
into its pinching corners
and inflexible walls
fall down when
failures join forces
2/28/16
Unasking
she carries the world in her womb
and its tears as a heavy yoke
upon her sinewed shoulders
with each approach by
defiled seeds, unasking
her belly stretches & aches until
it bursts
with twisting weeds & riven flesh
un-nature is born
from broken affections
unasking
2/28/16
and its tears as a heavy yoke
upon her sinewed shoulders
with each approach by
defiled seeds, unasking
her belly stretches & aches until
it bursts
with twisting weeds & riven flesh
un-nature is born
from broken affections
unasking
2/28/16
My House Tells a Story
I love how our cabinets don't hang straight. I love how I can smell our laundry right outside the front door, smelling like us and fabric softener. The lights, always soft and golden, show us just enough. The books devour the walls of our home like ivy. The vacuum has a rechargeable battery and a slender, chicken-neck; I'm sure we'll snap it. Would you want any of it if it wasn't at least a little broken?
I love how the walls of my heart don't hang straight. I love how I can smell the smoke rising from the ashes I've built; smelling like my fury and love. The lights dangling from my ribs, always hazy and golden, show you just enough. The stories of past and present lives devour my soul like ivy. My spine is rechargeable with the corded tangle of my nerves; I'm sure you'll snap it. Would you want me if I wasn't at least a little broken?
1/9/16
Dedicated to:
Rudo & The House of the African Violets (Apt. 249)
I love how the walls of my heart don't hang straight. I love how I can smell the smoke rising from the ashes I've built; smelling like my fury and love. The lights dangling from my ribs, always hazy and golden, show you just enough. The stories of past and present lives devour my soul like ivy. My spine is rechargeable with the corded tangle of my nerves; I'm sure you'll snap it. Would you want me if I wasn't at least a little broken?
1/9/16
Dedicated to:
Rudo & The House of the African Violets (Apt. 249)
venus fly trap
your persistent hands have made a woman of me
as your pressed into my tenderness
you found me to be a wall
and insurmountable obstacle
say hello to the dragon
she's awake now
boys, shake in your cowardly boots
men, take caution, for you are delicious prey
your mouth is a delicacy
giving me appetite for
your soul
a holy dish
best served with blood
a chaotic, writing river could never
satiate my groaning belly
I will have my fill of life (you?)
you look into my dark eyes and see
stone & earth
you feel my skin, it's soft
because my spines are
within
11/16/17
as your pressed into my tenderness
you found me to be a wall
and insurmountable obstacle
say hello to the dragon
she's awake now
boys, shake in your cowardly boots
men, take caution, for you are delicious prey
your mouth is a delicacy
giving me appetite for
your soul
a holy dish
best served with blood
a chaotic, writing river could never
satiate my groaning belly
I will have my fill of life (you?)
you look into my dark eyes and see
stone & earth
you feel my skin, it's soft
because my spines are
within
11/16/17
loneliness
Loneliness is not a feeling, it is a shroud. One that can cover any moment. Gaze out a window into a rainy, autumn dream, and loneliness colors the leaves crimson with longing and golden with echoes of past ecstasy.
11/6/15
11/6/15
"Sanitized"
white bricks built on white foundation
and white landscape envelops,
swallows with gargantuan throat
emptiness only marred by pools
of crimson, the blood from knuckles
raw from scrubbing the Earth
& bricks & foundations & landscapes
with bleach
------
No color
No passion
No flavor
No heat
No tears
No soul
Sanitized
10/19/15
and white landscape envelops,
swallows with gargantuan throat
emptiness only marred by pools
of crimson, the blood from knuckles
raw from scrubbing the Earth
& bricks & foundations & landscapes
with bleach
------
No color
No passion
No flavor
No heat
No tears
No soul
Sanitized
10/19/15
Untitled 1
i've unlocked the darkness
of men
the key to the chaos is found
was once hurled into the depths
crushed beneath the pressure
of iron fists
now fished and found and forged
10/17/15
of men
the key to the chaos is found
was once hurled into the depths
crushed beneath the pressure
of iron fists
now fished and found and forged
10/17/15
For Shannon - Mirage
If only I could siphon you into a telescope
Magnifying your light
I would send you to the stars
And far-off places
But still keep you here with me
10/9/15
Magnifying your light
I would send you to the stars
And far-off places
But still keep you here with me
10/9/15
with muddied boots and orange leaves
no eye dares upturn the ashes
astray fly long, dark strands of
fumbling brown
as autumn tickles the dawn
to amber and hearts to passion
10/9/15
astray fly long, dark strands of
fumbling brown
as autumn tickles the dawn
to amber and hearts to passion
10/9/15
Wednesday, September 13, 2017
Privilege
I get to pick what I want from life
Like my ancestors made
Beautiful black queens and
Powerful black kings
Pick cotton in the
Bone-cracking heat
Blood-draining oppression
"Oh but that's in the past"
They say
As if beautiful black queens
And powerful black kings
Aren't picking up their sons' dead
Bodies off the streets
Bone-cracking bludgeons
Blood-chasing hounds and
False protectors
They don't ask for my
Privilege
Just equality
Just admittance that there isn't any
They are just asking for equality
But we'll say little black boy was
Asking for it when we
Fire warning shots in his back
The beautiful brown backs
Of boys whose names
I'm unwilling to invoke
Unwilling to soil with my
Desperate tongue
I will not make them into ghosts
Trying to make you feel
The weight of what we have done
06.24.17
Breaking the heart of a poet
Makes you immortal
Maybe that's why I seek out
The broken and the sick
Because I want to show them
They can live forever
Fresa
kiss me like my lips are strawberries covered in sugar
hold me like I am my whole body, rolling hills and valleys
inhale the scent of my neck like it's oxygen and you're drowning
because I want your touch to tell my brain to tell my spine
to tell my hair follicles to stand on end
wrap me in your arms, so your smell lingers on my clothes,
but it doesn't matter either way cuz you'll always be there in the morning
10/5/16
Ulises
impetus.
that is how you served me.
your fingers, uninvited & ravenous guests
upon my body
urged the fury to rise in my blood
& the straightness to return to my spine
a new language took up residence
upon my tongue
its grammar based around the structure
of the word “no”
its endless vocabulary words, whose etymologies
trace back to “I love myself”
its vowel sounds, a sonorant echo of
my desperate cry “you are unwelcome here”
4/15/17
*inspired by the 25th anniversary of the L.A. Riots*
it’s not new
just because it’s
news to me
who am I?
to claim ownership
of society’s pulse
my inattentive ears whose relations to the vibrations of the
train trestle
are laizzez-faire hands-off, except
to grip the things
I wish to keep
pick the parts that please me
that don’t pique awareness of
what have I done? what my fathers
have done?
privilege is living
news to me
who am I?
to claim ownership
of society’s pulse
my inattentive ears whose relations to the vibrations of the
train trestle
are laizzez-faire hands-off, except
to grip the things
I wish to keep
pick the parts that please me
that don’t pique awareness of
what have I done? what my fathers
have done?
privilege is living
an entire lifetime without knowing you have it
I don't need to fall in love
with someone who can write poems for me
about drowning in my beautiful spirit
Or telling the mockingbirds stories of how
My curves are modeled after Milky-way edges
And my smile is the first light that ignited
In the endless vacuum of a dark universe
No, I don't need that
Because I can write poems for myself
My words reinforcing the alloyed metal of my bones
Metaphors floating in my mind like
Butterflies inside of violet bubbles, bouncing on the breeze
Ready to be popped and dropped onto the page
I need to fall in love with someone
Who is worthy of writing poems about
My words about him wielding no sharp edges
My fingers trembling from the need
To tell his story
And paint intricate tapestries as homage
To how his nose wrinkles when he laughs
I don't need to be wooed with frivolities
But nurtured from my roots
Keep the chocolate truffles and caviar
I'm looking for beans and rice
And fresh, black coffee
So, my future love, do not be afraid
To adorn my hands with your kindness
Do not be afraid of offering me love that looks like Pablo's rough wool socks
And moments in the summer sunshine
Because as Rupi says,
"I am not the whiskey you want
But the water you need"
So let's drink together and never
Stop
4/8/17
"other beautiful women serve as poor mirrors, my love"
she is what
I wanted to be
but I think
I look better
on me
and she looks
marvelous on her
lovely it is
when our skin
fits
4/20/17
"From nothing to something"
I watch in awe
as you bend yourself
around me
making yourself a shell
for my healing soul
they will find
our fossil
and think we are
a beautiful nautilus
but one astute
archeologist will see
through the years
and the dust
she will see me
grown comfortable
at the center
of your heart
and this
is how you
created love
out of nothing
the first light
and the last breath
of a nautilus
8/14/17
LA IGNORANCIA
ignorance is learned
ignorance is chosen
pithy one-liners
blame shift
straw men
vitriol is the wall
the wall is bullshit
absent father figure
for a country in conflict
teaching: get yours
and screw everyone else
children who think
they know things
living a vacuum of
pain and conflict
angry children
who would rather be right
than kind
is it so hard
to admit
we may not know
something
that a piece of the
puzzle
might not belong to us?
I have built walls of excuses
Around your heart
Loving your broken places
Trying to kiss you into wholeness
But you won't buy new shoes
Even though yours are filled with
Cement and small dreams
Small minds are your fortress
Broken hearts are your anthem
Cry that make you stay
When you should go
9/2/17
Tuesday, March 28, 2017
empathy is a superpower
empathy is a superpower I can't turn off
to me, people are not puzzles but paintings
with corners peeking out from hiding places
empaths are sponges that soak up pain from the air
I see you, no I see you
I can win every match of hide & seek
'cause when you speak I swallow your truth
and it becomes a part of me
if I donate my body to science when I die
they'll cut open my cadaver and gasp because
my lungs are lined with curling edges of photographs
of you and me and everyone whose
inhibitions I inhaled
my liver is filled with tears, a saltwater swimming pool
surrounded by deflated buoys my spirit rented out
to anyone who was drowning
in between each rib is a shelf lined with books:
stories and aches, poems and prayers
bound and chronicled for you
my clavicles are the East and West wings
of a memory museum that houses the ones
you were too broken to carry alone
empathy is a superpower I can't turn off
if only I just saw through walls
instead of facades and well-worn false faces
I wish my eyes only melted windshields and
not your shields for the battlefield
that awaits you when the sun comes up
you can't hide from me
sometimes I wish you could
I didn't ask to see you
I didn't ask permission, but
I can just get in even if
it's not my mission
and when I find myself wishing to die
it's not because I have nothing to live for
it's just that I didn't ask to be a
wishing-well guardian of
broken-winged birds and broken-stringed crickets
and sometimes it feels like too much
like some saying about straws and camels
but I think straws serve as a poor metaphor
for people's burdens because, well...
they matter too much
3/23/17
to me, people are not puzzles but paintings
with corners peeking out from hiding places
empaths are sponges that soak up pain from the air
I see you, no I see you
I can win every match of hide & seek
'cause when you speak I swallow your truth
and it becomes a part of me
if I donate my body to science when I die
they'll cut open my cadaver and gasp because
my lungs are lined with curling edges of photographs
of you and me and everyone whose
inhibitions I inhaled
my liver is filled with tears, a saltwater swimming pool
surrounded by deflated buoys my spirit rented out
to anyone who was drowning
in between each rib is a shelf lined with books:
stories and aches, poems and prayers
bound and chronicled for you
my clavicles are the East and West wings
of a memory museum that houses the ones
you were too broken to carry alone
empathy is a superpower I can't turn off
if only I just saw through walls
instead of facades and well-worn false faces
I wish my eyes only melted windshields and
not your shields for the battlefield
that awaits you when the sun comes up
you can't hide from me
sometimes I wish you could
I didn't ask to see you
I didn't ask permission, but
I can just get in even if
it's not my mission
and when I find myself wishing to die
it's not because I have nothing to live for
it's just that I didn't ask to be a
wishing-well guardian of
broken-winged birds and broken-stringed crickets
and sometimes it feels like too much
like some saying about straws and camels
but I think straws serve as a poor metaphor
for people's burdens because, well...
they matter too much
3/23/17
Thursday, March 2, 2017
10 years: A list of grievances
I was 13. a boy asked which part of me
i'd want to be seen naked -
i answered him, full of innocence
wondering why that was important
14. all of my best friends were skinny
i wished i was wanted by the boys
but that was before i knew
how children treated their toys
15. he told me he liked my butt
and i didn't know what to say but
"thanks" and feel as if that wasn't
the part of me most worth knowing
16. my dad was worse than invisible
my dad was visible and silent
visible when it was convenient
visible when he disapproved
16. no wonder i thought i was in love
because, for him, loving me
was the simplest answer but he didn't know
his selfish needed an interpreter
16. he disappeared and came back
when he was hungry and i
let him lay me down, body and mind
and touch me till he'd had his fill
17. hurt lingers. hurt is contagious.
this young man cared for me
so much better than the others but my
affection was more shield than trust
18. hurt lingers and grows.
the fortress of self-hate
guarded me well from truth
and from boys
18. or did it? they drew buckets of life
from my well, robbing my mind and
heart of defenses and they didn't
have the decency to put the bucket back
19. "i can never be the woman he wants" i cried
but daddy told me to put on some makeup
daddy told me to look more like mommy
if i wanted to be loved
20. the world grew so wide, maybe
i wasn't too big, too much, woo woman,
too powerful.. yet all these things were
truth echoing only vaguely
21. i wrote him a letter - he laughed
that scornful kind of laugh
and it felt all too familiar
hadn't boys been laughing
at my treasure for years?
22. he raped me, but i couldn't call it rape
till i was 23 because I didn't stop him
i couldn't stop him
22. another man. he would only spend time
with me if i came to his house
"I need to leave.. now" i cried
"at least help me get off first" he replied
22. another man. "you're damaging
to everyone around you"
22. another man. "you always make
everything about you. if you weren't so selfish..."
*click*
22. radio silence. they ate their fill
and didn't even leave a tip
23. the rapist came back
and begged forgiveness
i let his dick inside me
but my heart... radio silence
23. *click* no more!
*click* goodbye
*click* i'm not sorry
*click* i have been a victim
but it's not who I am
1/24/17
i'd want to be seen naked -
i answered him, full of innocence
wondering why that was important
14. all of my best friends were skinny
i wished i was wanted by the boys
but that was before i knew
how children treated their toys
15. he told me he liked my butt
and i didn't know what to say but
"thanks" and feel as if that wasn't
the part of me most worth knowing
16. my dad was worse than invisible
my dad was visible and silent
visible when it was convenient
visible when he disapproved
16. no wonder i thought i was in love
because, for him, loving me
was the simplest answer but he didn't know
his selfish needed an interpreter
16. he disappeared and came back
when he was hungry and i
let him lay me down, body and mind
and touch me till he'd had his fill
17. hurt lingers. hurt is contagious.
this young man cared for me
so much better than the others but my
affection was more shield than trust
18. hurt lingers and grows.
the fortress of self-hate
guarded me well from truth
and from boys
18. or did it? they drew buckets of life
from my well, robbing my mind and
heart of defenses and they didn't
have the decency to put the bucket back
19. "i can never be the woman he wants" i cried
but daddy told me to put on some makeup
daddy told me to look more like mommy
if i wanted to be loved
20. the world grew so wide, maybe
i wasn't too big, too much, woo woman,
too powerful.. yet all these things were
truth echoing only vaguely
21. i wrote him a letter - he laughed
that scornful kind of laugh
and it felt all too familiar
hadn't boys been laughing
at my treasure for years?
22. he raped me, but i couldn't call it rape
till i was 23 because I didn't stop him
i couldn't stop him
22. another man. he would only spend time
with me if i came to his house
"I need to leave.. now" i cried
"at least help me get off first" he replied
22. another man. "you're damaging
to everyone around you"
22. another man. "you always make
everything about you. if you weren't so selfish..."
*click*
22. radio silence. they ate their fill
and didn't even leave a tip
23. the rapist came back
and begged forgiveness
i let his dick inside me
but my heart... radio silence
23. *click* no more!
*click* goodbye
*click* i'm not sorry
*click* i have been a victim
but it's not who I am
1/24/17
B 1/24/17
I will bend myself in half trying
desperately to not be you
but in doing so
I'd become something insidious
yet entirely different
desperately to not be you
but in doing so
I'd become something insidious
yet entirely different
Trauma
"I have experienced a
great deal of trauma"
is the most difficult
sentence
I have ever uttered
great deal of trauma"
is the most difficult
sentence
I have ever uttered
A 1/24/17
last night
she said, "you've had
quite enough of that."
last night
I saw a bleeding wound
wound around a knife
what I have always been
haunting me
she said, "you've had
quite enough of that."
last night
I saw a bleeding wound
wound around a knife
what I have always been
haunting me
Thursday, February 2, 2017
a good thing
a litte, fish-hook tug
at your heart may be a good thing
a blessing that you love
someone enough to miss them
a little, fish-hook tug
half bitter, half sweet
Dedicated to Jillie and Olli
at your heart may be a good thing
a blessing that you love
someone enough to miss them
a little, fish-hook tug
half bitter, half sweet
Dedicated to Jillie and Olli
Sunday, January 8, 2017
your table
feed me
I'm always hungry
give me tiny tastes of your cornucopious self
I get drunk on your large amount of
"earnest" and "weird"
your "smart" is my favorite spice so far,
it burns my lips
your "affectionate" reminds me of authentic chai
made with cardamom and "tender"
your "volatile" and "sturdy" nourish my bones
like sautΓ©ed collards and chicken
some days you serve dessert first
with your "twinkling" and "dark-eyed"
serving hot chocolate with chili powder
your "exotic" has a tendency
to dribble down my chin and we laugh
darling, I love that I can never have enough of you
there is certainly plenty of your perfect to go around
but never doubt that I'm starving
may my hunger never take more than
you offer but rather
inspire you to give freely
never fearing I will tire of you
becoming full, and leaving your table
I'm always hungry
give me tiny tastes of your cornucopious self
I get drunk on your large amount of
"earnest" and "weird"
your "smart" is my favorite spice so far,
it burns my lips
your "affectionate" reminds me of authentic chai
made with cardamom and "tender"
your "volatile" and "sturdy" nourish my bones
like sautΓ©ed collards and chicken
some days you serve dessert first
with your "twinkling" and "dark-eyed"
serving hot chocolate with chili powder
your "exotic" has a tendency
to dribble down my chin and we laugh
darling, I love that I can never have enough of you
there is certainly plenty of your perfect to go around
but never doubt that I'm starving
may my hunger never take more than
you offer but rather
inspire you to give freely
never fearing I will tire of you
becoming full, and leaving your table
you come to my well to nourish yourself
you lament that the rope burns your hands
you complain that the pulley squeaks
but you continue drinking
you continue taking, all the same
I tell you to toss in a coin and make a wish
because I'm full of magic
but you say what my well has to offer
isn't worth a penny or a dime
or even an ounce of your time
and I sigh
when will I learn to deny you
stolen noursihment
from the very first drop?
you lament that the rope burns your hands
you complain that the pulley squeaks
but you continue drinking
you continue taking, all the same
I tell you to toss in a coin and make a wish
because I'm full of magic
but you say what my well has to offer
isn't worth a penny or a dime
or even an ounce of your time
and I sigh
when will I learn to deny you
stolen noursihment
from the very first drop?
I sure felt the fall
muscles, once sturdy, are aching now
the lines defining their strength
I used to lift myself from the earth
gingerly
the lines defining their strength
I used to lift myself from the earth
gingerly
life-laden
sometimes carrying just yourself
proves to be too much
but don't be surprised
it's not as if something
that glorious
could be anything less
Than weighty
proves to be too much
but don't be surprised
it's not as if something
that glorious
could be anything less
Than weighty
You better be grateful
And stop pretending you
Understand
I will not hold myself responsible For the bruises you get
When you trip over my boundaries
Because you're busy coming down
From a trip, high on my excellence
Hungry for my love
If a taste of me
Only makes you wish you had
Everything
Then what you get
Is nothing.
And stop pretending you
Understand
I will not hold myself responsible For the bruises you get
When you trip over my boundaries
Because you're busy coming down
From a trip, high on my excellence
Hungry for my love
If a taste of me
Only makes you wish you had
Everything
Then what you get
Is nothing.
Ponderings sitting in a cathedral built from the stones of a pagan temple
Warming my hands over
the flames incited
As prayers of pardon
for those who are condemned
I steal moments from their eternity
unabashed, I will live forever
sin vergΓΌenza, unlike them
the flames incited
As prayers of pardon
for those who are condemned
I steal moments from their eternity
unabashed, I will live forever
sin vergΓΌenza, unlike them
Crossing myself
My head, my hands, and both of my arms
I dedicate you
May I never falter
May my feet never carry me
where my arms cannot reach to serve you
May my heart never drift away on the deadly
tears of bitterness
carrying me far from your side
May my mind never run so quickly
that it tears itself in two, spilling
all my thoughts and hurricanes
into your palm
I dedicate to you
all things I can touch
And offer to you deep, unreachable things
I dedicate you
May I never falter
May my feet never carry me
where my arms cannot reach to serve you
May my heart never drift away on the deadly
tears of bitterness
carrying me far from your side
May my mind never run so quickly
that it tears itself in two, spilling
all my thoughts and hurricanes
into your palm
I dedicate to you
all things I can touch
And offer to you deep, unreachable things
For Michael
I saw your eyes
those brown eyes
the first, and perhaps
the only ones I've ever loved
my heart leapt into
the ceiling of my ribcage
with a bird-flutter heartbeat
I didn't know could happen
anymore
you led her in by the hand
the woman you love
and all I felt was a sunset-gold
smile creeping across my chest
you and I were so young, so foolish
cliche summer love, late-night kisses
the first boy I broke for
you were so kind, so blind
you taught me my heart had wings
and that flying takes practice
she seems lovely, you know
the woman you chose
I hope she matches you,
fits you and fills you
the way my 16-year-old heart
wanted to
I suppose what I'm trying
to say is
thank you
for being the one that got away
who is worthy of a
poem like this
those brown eyes
the first, and perhaps
the only ones I've ever loved
my heart leapt into
the ceiling of my ribcage
with a bird-flutter heartbeat
I didn't know could happen
anymore
you led her in by the hand
the woman you love
and all I felt was a sunset-gold
smile creeping across my chest
you and I were so young, so foolish
cliche summer love, late-night kisses
the first boy I broke for
you were so kind, so blind
you taught me my heart had wings
and that flying takes practice
she seems lovely, you know
the woman you chose
I hope she matches you,
fits you and fills you
the way my 16-year-old heart
wanted to
I suppose what I'm trying
to say is
thank you
for being the one that got away
who is worthy of a
poem like this
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