sometimes

sometimes

i want to die

so much that

can't be mended

that needs to be

mended

the brokenness

spreads like a

disease

spreads like

wings

as sadness

sits atop

my hips

like a

sleepy child

sometimes

too much feels

like just enough

to push lungs

underwater

drowning

fills our

mouths with salt

and empties

them of breath

and truth

sometimes

i bargain

with god

and give

up on

the world

cuz "there's

not enough

light"

I scream

10/3/17

Run, Hide

it'll hurt
i can't let it
get to me
my sadness
is catching up
but i'm tired of
running

there is no
hiding place
where I fit
comfortably

when my
tears run
out of water
what else
is there left
to do but
lie down
& let the
pain wash
over me

10/3/17

*

sadness hangs like heavy fruit

weighing down the branches

of my heart

10/3/17

NOISE

take a look

take a seat

lake a listen

the voices are

here

inside my

head and 

i'm tired

of the

laughing

"you are alone.

your burdens

are too heavy

to share.

you're too

broken to love

again."

9/29/17

hello, my name is susanna, and i am an addict

I can't quit you

as if i must detox

from every loving look

and breathless kiss

i'm an unrepentant addict

who doesn't want to

quit

living in withdrawals

hanging tightly to

the taste of your

memory

9/29/17

Fall...ing

funny

leaves give their

best show

for goodbye

funny

they call love

falling

on impact

we often crunch

like dead leaves

and breaking twigs

funny

saying goodbye

is so much deeper

so much more

painful

because

you're beautiful

funny

i cry more

because I know

you'll be back

in the spring

and

i'll still

miss you

and miss the thrill of

falling

9/29/17

Thirsty

when you live beside
a stream that is cool
& clear you forget
what being thirsty
feels like

how can something
ache & burn & exist
so full of longing?

it is an animal
that lives deep
inside of me

something that never sleeps
something that never sleeps

9/27/17