unapology: a feminist manifesto

he says:

"doubt yourself. be smaller.

i don't recall giving you permission

to take up this much space.

our God is comprehensible.

we may not know everything

but we know enough to say

that he is a man

and that you are

wrong

disrespectful

a disgrace

need to be rebuked

for daring to believe

he could be she.

we accept that what you make

is beautiful

as long as it doesn't

shake up our world.

use your gift to move us

as long as we get to

stay in the same place.

it is true that woman is

a good gift.

distinct from us.

made to make a partner.

not whole on her own.

diminishable when necessary.

soft.

strong, but only in the way

a woman should be."

i say:

"i'm sorry if my power

offends you

but someday

i will stop being sorry

for the things i

was taught to be.

the world

my parents

pastors & teachers

handed me shame

wrapped in the best

of intentions & said

'this oughtta do the trick'

as if they saw

the fists of my tiny

Muhammad Ali heart

and hoped i'd never

find my way to the ring

because "good women" don't fight

and "godly" ones don't argue

i've been praised for laying down & understanding

"my role"

men have bragged to my father

about how i just "get it"

they say:

"some other, unruly

and autonomous girls

care more about their

misguided feminism

than biblical truth

but not Susanna

she is perfectly articulate

about her role

a woman's place

what her strength should look like

& why she needs men..."

i say:

"well, sorry dad

i'm supposed to be sorry right?

i was wrong before

lost, confused

hating myself for

being loud

& having a belly

full of fire

for wanting

to take care of myself

for not being afraid to be

alone

for loving life

and learning to

treasure my mess

for learning to

stop saying sorry

so enjoy the sorrys

before they run out

because someday the

sorry factory in my throat

is going to be shut down

& shame, guilt, & fear

will all be out of a job

they will be doomed to living

like ghosts

immaterial

desperate

homeless"

freedom says:

"only apologize

when you're wrong

don't be sorry for

not being sorry

no one gets to ask

you for that

anymore."

2.7.18