he is...

making hot chocolate
easy smiles
dancing in the car
belching contests
trap music
love
bachata
summer heat
"you're the baddest girl in the room...
always"
kissing in the rain
too many visible hickies
kindness
"bite harder"
back massages
watching old musicals
quick wit
goofiness
people being surprised by how hot he is
incessant teasing
holding me
laughter... so much laughter
there be dragons here
"aight bet"
the way he looks at me
the way he looked at me...


9/24/17

limestone & salt

there was always a lantern there
inside my chest
but its switch was always
guarded by limestone ribs
& heartache stalactites

I don't know where he
learned the secret spell
that turns heartache
into dust
but he taught me
that the salt of my past
tears was there
to dance on the wind
of our love

I painted his strong, dark
arms with chalk & water
and my lantern-chest
lit our path and
taught us to read
the poems in
each other's eyes

9/24/17

hot stone

the hot stone in my belly
says goodbye to him
before I am ready
to unclench my fingers
from his broad, gentle hands
the end comes
right on time
but with storms that
were not in the forecast

and I learn that
there is never a good
time to let go
and that love
is both
kissing in the rain
and crying in the shower
about how loving him
doesn't always mean staying

9/24/17

healing mornings

She picks herself up from
repose like
a petal from a sunflower
and, yawning like rain,
she greets the morning

9/24/17

Untitled 3

You don't mean to give people

a place in your heart

that has roots & sinew

But the beautiful, soft,

& powerful ones make 

you open up more intimate

homes

inside of you

9/19/17

"Hell hath no fury"

I dedicate this poem

to the guy who tried to

get my boyfriend to

cheat on me

The petty crown is yours!

You can have it

This high road is getting

real steep

I don't have to kick your ass

to prove that I can

But you seem to want me to

Do you get off on getting reactions?

Is making people angry

the only way

you feel powerful?

I wanted to like you,

but you're such an

arrogant, uninteresting, petty,

selfish, lazy ignorant

piece of shit

So any energy I could spend trying

to impress you or 

defending myself

would be like

pouring fuel

on a dumpster fire

I've done enough

goddamn babysitting to know

better than to "justify schoolyard

taunts with a response"*

And since you're a child

I will quell my fury

with a bucket-full

of laughter

Your life must be

so boring and pathetic

for you to have the

time to sabotage

your relationship

and your homie's

Wanna know why that

girl didn't

give up pussy once

you dumped your girlfriend for her?

'Cuz she never planned to!

She could tell

you were a weak-ass bitch

from a mile away

and she just wanted

to prove that

she could get you

to do anything

I honestly feel sorry for you

You called the man I love

a bitch for getting

with me

You assumed it was

just cuz I was

white or thick

or whatever else,

but you will never know

what it feels like to

be loved by

a woman like me

I am fierce and powerful 

beautiful, sexy

intelligent, goofy

kind, and fun

I can put it down

like you wouldn't believe

I can hold a man down

and also teach him

how to fly

so enjoy living

your life with

your feet on the 

ground and

your head up

your own ass

fuck you!

and if I never

hear your name or

voice again it'll be

too soon

9/15/17

monument to you

you did not make

you this way.

exquisite.

broken

but you are

the only one

who can build

on that breath-

taking foundation

so build.

what a monument

you will

become.

9/13/17

Untitled 2

me cuesta mucho
verlo que quiero ser
cuando el espejo me muestro
algo diferente

9/9/17

"Some girl"

I am the sum
of a girl &
those who told
her she was
less than enough

9/13/17

Sunshine & empanadas

the definition of charming
a warmth that I miss
as if it had once been mine

9/9/17

Dedicated to: latin culture & besitos

Ode to another love

I loved you
then just let go
found myself unprepared
for the in-between

caught between
memories of forgetting
- one boulder -
and your new life & joy
-a heavy weight -

9/12/17

old habits die hard

when I finally see your
back I offer my body
turning myself into
a wall of pleasure

9/10/17

Blood from a turnip

we are adults now
so proud of what
we can do
so much

then comes the avalanche
of empathy for
the superhuman
who raised us
I was never good at juggling,
but goddamnit
I can't afford to fail!

since most "grown-ups"
expect failure or the
kind of success that
measures our skirts
with a ruler

there is not a good
English word for
supercalifragilistic-
motherfucking exhausted

that'll do for now

blood from a turnip
brings to my mind
a white-knuckled fist,
still squeezing

and squeezing
and squeezing
still squeezing

I
don't
have
anything
left

too
tired
to
figure
out
how
to
stop
being
tired...
Thank god for southern idioms

9/9/17

"Them's fightin' words"

I threaten you in Southern vernacular
but I will fight for those whose
mother tongue may be different

9/6/17

She says, walk with grace

She says -
walk with grace
love with humility
pray with confidence

I say -
show me your footsteps
since I was born from your eyes
and I'm still learning how to pray

She says -
I donated my twinkling eyes
and my sweet disposition to you
my darling girl, I'll teach you how to pray

I say -
there's not enough time
for me to learn the language
of your heart, worthiest of women

She says -
my love is your first and
only language, baby girl
I'm only ever proud of the woman you've become

I say -
carry me far and teach me to fly
the stitches that hold my strength together
were made by women whose hands built my world

She says -
flying begins with a step
and loving begins with a question
so never stop asking, and you'll always soar

I say -
when you go, I shall miss you

She says -
where can I go that you won't be able to follow?

I say -
take my kisses with you
so that I may miss you when I feel their absence

She says -
remember that I carry your kisses in my heart
but I live in the twinkle of your eye

I say -
then I must learn to never blink

She says -
you were born with open eyes

I say -
I love you
I do not deserve you

She says -
I love you, my little blade of grass
don't ever forget to
walk with grace
love with humility
and pray with confidence

9/4/17

collectables

I'm a collector of wounds
a most dedicated hobbyist.
My check is a glass-case
shrine to suffering.
I shine the widest light
on the deepest gashes,
the ones I'm proudest of.
I stick out my chest in
confidence, as my breaths
rattle and shake my
crystalline
ribcage.

3/14/16

F+

I failed
but there's an upside
to this upside-down place

when I face my grimacing instructors
with clicking tongues and
wagging fingers
I know it's not myself I've failed
but the box
I cannot, will not fit
into its pinching corners
and inflexible walls
fall down when
failures join forces

2/28/16

Unasking

she carries the world in her womb
and its tears as a heavy yoke
upon her sinewed shoulders
with each approach by
defiled seeds, unasking
her belly stretches & aches until
it bursts
with twisting weeds & riven flesh

un-nature is born
from broken affections
unasking

2/28/16

My House Tells a Story

I love how our cabinets don't hang straight. I love how I can smell our laundry right outside the front door, smelling like us and fabric softener. The lights, always soft and golden, show us just enough. The books devour the walls of our home like ivy. The vacuum has a rechargeable battery and a slender, chicken-neck; I'm sure we'll snap it. Would you want any of it if it wasn't at least a little broken?

I love how the walls of my heart don't hang straight. I love how I can smell the smoke rising from the ashes I've built; smelling like my fury and love. The lights dangling from my ribs, always hazy and golden, show you just enough. The stories of past and present lives devour my soul like ivy. My spine is rechargeable with the corded tangle of my nerves; I'm sure you'll snap it. Would you want me if I wasn't at least a little broken?

1/9/16

Dedicated to:
Rudo & The House of the African Violets (Apt. 249)

poker face

I will see your disdain
and raise you a
"fuck you!"

11/19/15

venus fly trap

your persistent hands have made a woman of me
as your pressed into my tenderness
you found me to be a wall
and insurmountable obstacle

say hello to the dragon
she's awake now

boys, shake in your cowardly boots
men, take caution, for you are delicious prey
your mouth is a delicacy
giving me appetite for
your soul
a holy dish
best served with blood

a chaotic, writing river could never
satiate my groaning belly
I will have my fill of life (you?)
you look into my dark eyes and see
stone & earth
you feel my skin, it's soft
because my spines are
within

11/16/17

loneliness

Loneliness is not a feeling, it is a shroud. One that can cover any moment. Gaze out a window into a rainy, autumn dream, and loneliness colors the leaves crimson with longing and golden with echoes of past ecstasy.

11/6/15

"Sanitized"

white bricks built on white foundation
and white landscape envelops,
swallows with gargantuan throat
emptiness only marred by pools
of crimson, the blood from knuckles
raw from scrubbing the Earth
& bricks & foundations & landscapes
with bleach

------

No color
No passion
No flavor
No heat
No tears
No soul
Sanitized

10/19/15

Untitled 1

i've unlocked the darkness
of men
the key to the chaos is found

was once hurled into the depths
crushed beneath the pressure
of iron fists

now fished and found and forged

10/17/15

For Shannon - Mirage

If only I could siphon you into a telescope
Magnifying your light
I would send you to the stars
And far-off places
But still keep you here with me

10/9/15

with muddied boots and orange leaves

no eye dares upturn the ashes
astray fly long, dark strands of
fumbling brown
as autumn tickles the dawn
to amber and hearts to passion

10/9/15

Privilege

I get to pick what I want from life

Like my ancestors made

Beautiful black queens and 

Powerful black kings

Pick cotton in the

Bone-cracking heat

Blood-draining oppression

"Oh but that's in the past"

They say

As if beautiful black queens

And powerful black kings

Aren't picking up their sons' dead

Bodies off the streets

Bone-cracking bludgeons

Blood-chasing hounds and

False protectors

They don't ask for my

Privilege

Just equality

Just admittance that there isn't any

They are just asking for equality 

But we'll say little black boy was

Asking for it when we

Fire warning shots in his back

The beautiful brown backs

Of boys whose names

I'm unwilling to invoke

Unwilling to soil with my

Desperate tongue

I will not make them into ghosts

Trying to make you feel

The weight of what we have done

06.24.17

Breaking the heart of a poet

Makes you immortal

Maybe that's why I seek out

The broken and the sick

Because I want to show them

They can live forever

Fresa

kiss me like my lips are strawberries covered in sugar

hold me like I am my whole body, rolling hills and valleys

inhale the scent of my neck like it's oxygen and you're drowning

because I want your touch to tell my brain to tell my spine

to tell my hair follicles to stand on end

wrap me in your arms, so your smell lingers on my clothes,

but it doesn't matter either way cuz you'll always be there in the morning

10/5/16

I have a few jackets 

And a cozy blanket

Gifts from boys to

Keep me warm

When the night was cold

But the gesture was

A formality

Because in reality

They all walked away

And their gifts

Keep me warmer

Than their affection

Ever could

Because they are boys

And am done waiting around

For those

11/26/16

One of the first things

I notice about a man

Is his back

So I can begin memorizing

What image will linger

When this is all over

Practice remembering what I will

See when he gives up

1/29/16

Ulises

impetus.

that is how you served me.

your fingers, uninvited & ravenous guests

upon my body

urged the fury to rise in my blood

& the straightness to return to my spine

a new language took up residence

upon my tongue

its grammar based around the structure

of the word “no”

its endless vocabulary words, whose etymologies

trace back to “I love myself”

its vowel sounds, a sonorant echo of

my desperate cry “you are unwelcome here”

4/15/17

*inspired by the 25th anniversary of the L.A. Riots*

it’s not new

just because it’s
news to me
who am I?
to claim ownership
of society’s pulse
my inattentive ears whose relations to the vibrations of the
train trestle
are laizzez-faire hands-off, except
to grip the things
I wish to keep
pick the parts that please me
that don’t pique awareness of
what have I done? what my fathers
have done?
privilege is living 

an entire lifetime without knowing you have it 

Si soy la princesa, tus brazos son mi castillo

Si soy la bebé, tu cama es mi cría

Si soy la tierra, eres el océano

Llenandome por todas partes

Si soy el calor, eres la brisa que me hace bailar

6/10/2015

I wonder if you're

a honeybee or

the sun

but either way

I love how

you make the dew

rest on my petals

how you make

your lips rest

on mine

7/5/17

I don't need to fall in love

with someone who can write poems for me

about drowning in my beautiful spirit

Or telling the mockingbirds stories of how

My curves are modeled after Milky-way edges

And my smile is the first light that ignited

In the endless vacuum of a dark universe

No, I don't need that

Because I can write poems for myself

My words reinforcing the alloyed metal of my bones 

Metaphors floating in my mind like

Butterflies inside of violet bubbles, bouncing on the breeze

Ready to be popped and dropped onto the page

I need to fall in love with someone

Who is worthy of writing poems about

My words about him wielding no sharp edges

My fingers trembling from the need

To tell his story

And paint intricate tapestries as homage

To how his nose wrinkles when he laughs

I don't need to be wooed with frivolities

But nurtured from my roots

Keep the chocolate truffles and caviar

I'm looking for beans and rice

And fresh, black coffee

So, my future love, do not be afraid

To adorn my hands with your kindness

Do not be afraid of offering me love that looks like Pablo's rough wool socks

And moments in the summer sunshine

Because as Rupi says,

"I am not the whiskey you want

But the water you need"

So let's drink together and never

Stop

4/8/17

I'm

a hermit crab

with a hyper-speed

growth disorder

you'd be surprised

how 

expensive it can be

to find shells big enough

at the bottom of the ocean

4/20/17

I see God

In my own truth

What kindness

What a gift 

8/13/17

"other beautiful women serve as poor mirrors, my love"

she is what

I wanted to be

but I think

I look better

on me

and she looks

marvelous on her

lovely it is

when our skin 

fits 

4/20/17

"From nothing to something"

I watch in awe

as you bend yourself

around me

making yourself a shell

for my healing soul

they will find

our fossil

and think we are

a beautiful nautilus

but one astute

archeologist will see

through the years

and the dust

she will see me

grown comfortable

at the center

of your heart 

and this

is how you

created love

out of nothing

the first light

and the last breath

of a nautilus

8/14/17

LA IGNORANCIA

ignorance is learned

ignorance is chosen

pithy one-liners

blame shift

straw men

vitriol is the wall

the wall is bullshit

absent father figure

for a country in conflict

teaching: get yours

and screw everyone else

children who think

they know things

living a vacuum of

pain and conflict

angry children

who would rather be right

than kind

is it so hard

to admit

we may not know

something

that a piece of the 

puzzle

might not belong to us?

I have built walls of excuses

Around your heart

Loving your broken places

Trying to kiss you into wholeness

But you won't buy new shoes

Even though yours are filled with

Cement and small dreams

Small minds are your fortress

Broken hearts are your anthem

Cry that make you stay

When you should go

9/2/17